relational humility

The way people relate to me is a gift from them to me. The problem is that so often, subconsciously, I expect people to relate to me in a way that I think they should. When this happens I feel let down, robbed, undervalued, overlooked, left out or resentful.
I must realise that the way people [...]

essential medicine for the soul

I find that my mind is in race mode. It just runs from one thing to another without any pause for real thought. My mind is invaded with thoughts and then speculates wildly about them, running off in directions that sometimes unsettle my soul, invade it with fear.
I guess if my mind is not arrested [...]

the brokenness and the beauty

Had a great conversation with a future professional in the care industry. From the worlds best behaviouralists and psychologists we came to the same conclusion. The people around us are formed by relating to us. Especially children by parents. We pass on all the brokenness and all the beauty of who we really are.
The conclusion [...]

disarming forces for bad

I’m getting to realise that sometimes there are forces at work that are not good.
Like when the way I see things appears to be challenged, undermined or overridden. The world around me sometimes seems to tick in a way that I can hardly breathe in. My worth in it all can seem to be not [...]

the love wrapper

what do you learn in 58 years on the planet
One thing I learn in this world about love is that lust is wrapped in a wrapper of sex. The wrapper promotes the product to those who are ready to become unwitting consumers.
the other thing I learn about love is that true erotic intimacy is clothed [...]

to far away from loving

I have seen this week the power of constancy. Being constant in the things that are important.
When I get behind with my work I become agitated and question the value of the work. My mind becomes blocked and I can’t work. The answer was several days of just constant attention to the priorities in my [...]

the eyes of grief

Someone close to me experiences traumatic grief, her baby dies after three days. We’ve walked and talked together for six months knowing that this could be the outcome.
Where is God in this.
She saw him clearly and then through her eyes I saw him too. This baby has changed me. I’ll never be the same.
we were [...]

easier to do then to be

It is so much easier for me to do good than to be good. Something comes up and I can do something for someone. Some of these things are life giving and some of them I’m not so sure. Becoming good is a different matter to me. Becoming the kind of person who thinks and [...]

a maverick an outlaw and a cheap bus

We have two extra cheap bus services passing our house competing with the regular buses. I’m all for it as bus travel is too expensive as shown by the fact that the cheap buses charge 50p for a journey that costs £1.80 normally.
I’m for new initiative and better ways of doing things but I hate [...]

living in the trauma

It seems that around my life there are those who experience traumatic circumstances. Sickness, disability, tragic loss, unfaithfulness, loss of employment and all sorts of misadventure. How on earth can I live alongside such great difficulty. I can’t contribute enough to make a difference. I can’t fix things. I can’t even offer what might seem [...]